Empire Déjà vu

Check the satellite view of world history and you see the same amazing pattern. A time-lapse photograph of the world, extending the period of written history, would show the deja vu element.

As the recent events in the world are played out, this coming together is predictable. But that is another subject and blog. The one I want to write on here, is the repetitive history of the empire.

Generally speaking, there have been nine dominant empires in history. From the Egyptians (5000 years ago) to the USA in the present. Definition of dominant is ‘the most powerful in the world, controlling significant tracts of land and instilling their culture’.

It always follows the same routine path.

A) commencement from nowhere; no hopers; nothing to signify future success (non-entities who struggle to survive).

B) they get a foothold and some form of unity - this builds an essential confidence.

C) opposition phase - existence is threatened. There is always a physical threat, but also can be extended to economic and unity threats.

D) having survived, their is a predictable chronological sequence.

• the belief phase (a big high)
• a grand vision is now part of the future
• feeling of mission and element of fervour
• physical strength and belief of invincibility
• conquest and expansion
• economic bigness
• scientific development and innovation
• arts, culture and intellectual content

E) Decay Phase

• belief of superiority over all others
• arrogance
• self indulgence and waste
• decay, value system declines, leading to social degradation

F) Decline Phase

• disunity of purpose and population starts infighting
• society starts disintegrating
• economic reversal leading to disasters
• currency and trade collapse

G) Destruction Phase

• a challenger appears ...simultaneous to the decline phase. Sometimes it is visible. Others come from the left field unexpectedly. Five years before Yarmuk, Rome did not suspect it will lose its grip to the Muslim Arabs. The Caliph in Baghdad never thought of the fast emerging Mongols as a danger.

• decay is complete by the time actual disintegration and destruction takes place.

This is happening right now and very visibly. Average age of empire in history 250 years. Average age of currency domination 100 years. Do the maths, it does not take much grey matter to figure out the present events.

Sarfaraz A Rehman: You never know what you will keep with you, your w...

Sarfaraz A Rehman: You never know what you will keep with you, your w...: I read the heading and the words had a cascading effect on my life memories. It is true, in your teens, you do not really know what i...

You never know what you will keep with you, your whole life!

I read the heading and the words had a cascading effect on my life memories. It is true, in your teens, you do not really know what is going to happen and one knows not, what will last a lifetime. Your horizon is lower and nearer, life has yet to teach you lessons, so one thinks of childhood and teens as permanent.  

The most established institution in your life are parents (if you are blessed enough, to have them around by teenage). No one really tells you, but they are not permanent and one day, if you live long enough they shall depart. 

Siblings are next to permanent. If you are the oldest, then it’s likely that they will outlast you. But somehow, age, children, jobs, distance all conspire. It is a relationship which changes from the teen years. By the time you get to my age, it is not the same. Important of course, but subtle changes have happened due to circumstances. 

Spouses and children come later in life, normally after university, which means mid 20 and later. So they are not lifelong either. 

Friends are another one. Like siblings, time causes change and so the relationships alter over the decades. Again no lifelong permanence.

So what do you actually keep with you all your life?

A) values...once ingrained, values are difficult to alter, whatever the environment or circumstances.

B) beliefs...some beliefs are unshakeable. They do not change despite all trials.

C) songs...there are some songs which last a lifetime (I have about twenty).

D) books...maybe a few. Most disappear with age. Rarely does a book last a lifetime. I can think of only one for me. And, that is tied up to my belief ie. the Quran. A few have lasted since my early 20s. Lord of the Rings, Great Expectations, Ozymandias (poem) etc (a dozen, perhaps).

E) memories. School, and childhood especially. Memories of people long gone. Also memories which seem insignificant, but are essential in your make up. My memory of sampling jungle-jalebi in childhood remains succinct and powerful - unfortunately, the jungle-jalebi fruit  has largely disappeared from Karachi.  A time long ago, remembered by the little things left behind.

F) pictures...faded black and white ones and some bleached coloured ones. Eid, Birthday, school, holidays, many who are gone (but remain in pics).

G) preferences...these are surprisingly steady throughout life. Colours, taste of food, preferences for faces (oval, square, mixed) attitude (light hearted, serious, intense). Our comfort zone is in a surprisingly narrow band. 

To what end do we carry some things a lifetime? They are our identity, enmeshed in what we are. That’s fine! It shows we are still human and can feel till our end.

Sarfaraz A Rehman: A Big Heart (a follow-up)

Sarfaraz A Rehman: A Big Heart (a follow-up): I once wrote about a sahaba who had a big heart. The Prophet (saw) thrice stated that this sahaba will be granted heaven, based on his...

A Big Heart (a follow-up)

I once wrote about a sahaba who had a big heart. The Prophet (saw) thrice stated that this sahaba will be granted heaven, based on his bigheartedness. Big, meaning he was generous; not envious; carried no ill will; and was humble. Attempting to inculcate the same is a difficult battle, especially with our social media, consumer orientation and a complex (dog eat dog) society.

Strategically to achieve bigheartedness we need to excel in :-

A) putting total trust in Allah. Simply put, a huge test, because you will be called on to make self sacrifice. This literally means sacrificing time, money or personal space for others. That sacrifice eventually delivers positive results. The balance sheet actually comes out in the black.

  

B) not having an ego. Most of our actions in life are a function of ego. To counter that, it means thinking one is not superior to anyone. Once you get in that space, this inevitably leads to daily challenges. You have to hug and control yourself and behave humbly. It’s a daily battle, but it becomes easier with time and practice.  

C) not judging others. This is not quite ego. Rather, can be your own filters driving your biases. Let the judgement be at Allah’s door. Want a large unfettered heart, then become non-judgmental. As part of this effort, I totally disconnected from Twitter. That medium tends to be mean, aggressive and battles take place on it all the time. On Twitter, one would struggle to have a good view of mankind. Also, one could stop watching news channels, as they create negativity in themselves and fan the flame (news can be obtained online quite easily!). This judgmental drive will test you. You might fail on a daily basis, but you can at least at the end of the day, leave negativity behind and go cleansed into tomorrow.

D) anger and irritation. While this may also be a function of ego, but predominantly is driven by the frequency, speed and expectation of things nowadays. Stop expecting people to behave well, stop expecting people to deliver responsibly, stop expecting that you will get what you want. Generally, this is the easiest of the lot to achieve. And yes we all make mistakes, so when you lose your temper, go back to the concerned person and apologize. Do not become self righteous. A sincere apology now,  delivers wonders later.

E) handling real hurt and unfairness. There are such pains in life. The best one can do, is review ones own errors in life, apologize to others and use these same evaluations to forgive others who have wronged you in turn. Use First Ramadan every year for an evaluation. It should be a specific occasion and by name and event forgive those who might have dealt you a backhander. It is easier said than done....Through the rest of Ramadan, you should constantly remind yourself of the forgiveness given. By the end of Ramadan, generally, the forgiveness will be real and embedded.

The above is my personal formula to attempt a difficult and elusive gold basket. Needless to say, one is still striving to make it work, but it does lead to a lot of personal satisfaction and some element of clear conscience.


https://sarfarazar.blogspot.com/2017/06/a-big-heart.html

The Strategy Spectrum

                                                           *Lovepik.com

Recently, asked to explain strategy in the spectrum of life and decision making, the best I could think of was to visualise two different stories.

The Elevated View

Imagine you are on a busy street in a large city, caught up on the ground in a traffic snarl. Suddenly, like Icarus and Daedalus, one gets wings. You start rising and spiralling upwards. Soon you are at a bird flight level and can see many roads and most of the city. You realise that the traffic snarl was just for a short juncture and by making a small turn you can go free. The street level is fire-fighting operations and the birds eye view is a tactical level.

Next you keep rising and are at an atmosphere level viewing much of the country. The expanded view is much wider and larger, and yet has fewer details. That is alright, because you realise that the city is not the only place; much beauty and comfort exists in rural areas and other cities. One can move to other places and do other things. We are able to strategise and make larger and more long reaching decisions. That is the strategy level. 

Now, unlike Icarus, you fly higher and nearer the Sun, but do not lose your wings. Up in space you can see the whole world. It’s the most amazing view and is actually a Vision. Once up there, you can do just about everything by simply viewing the world, thinking larger than life and delegating the related strategy to others. This Visionary element is granted to few and far between in a single life.  This is a scale above strategy, but while strategy can more or less be a constant in life, a Vision will come rarely.

On the Ground View

A bunch of people are on a bus, which has broken down in a forested and hilly region. You have been charged to get the others out of there to safety. People are scared and most do not want to leave the safety of the bus. What to do?

First you go outside and climb the top of the bus and look around. Visible on an elevated ground is a lighthouse tower, which is considered to be safety for all. This becomes your Vision. We have to achieve it any which way.

Also visible is a set of open areas along the way to the lighthouse, which can be joined together like dots, to form a rough road to the lighthouse. To form the road to the lighthouse is strategy. 

We then organise a few who are willing to get down and push the bus. The others who are scared stay inside the bus. Our workforce pushes the bus and also clears up hurdles and forms a path. You appoint a manager to coordinate and guide them from the bus top.  So the guys who are doing the ground work are foot soldiers doing the fire fighting and operations. The manager on the top, is aware of wider surroundings and plans the activity from clearing to clearing. So he is doing the guidance and tactical work, ensuring that he keeps the bus moving along.

Lastly, you are also on the bus top, but do not have to worry about the managerial work, as that is someone else’s responsibility. No, you are keeping in sight the various clearings which make the broad  road to the lighthouse. We want to ensure that the strategy of getting to the lighthouse remains intact. Every now and then you get feedback from the manager on progress and difficulties. Using that feedback, you keep adjusting the route a bit, hence ensuring the overall strategy.

This feedback loop is a normal part of reality being shaped into the strategy. Never at any time will the Vision (of safety at the lighthouse) change. True, that once we get to the safety of the lighthouse, then we will review the ‘situation’ to cast a new Vision, but that is after we have achieved our present Vision.

If any are wondering, what a lighthouse is doing on a hilltop, I do not have a credible answer. But it seemed like a nice Vision. 

Sarfaraz A Rehman: Managing by Trial and Error

Slow and sure is out of the door, experimentation, trial and error has landed.



Sarfaraz A Rehman: Managing by Trial and Error: These are turbulent and exciting times. Greenfield, startups and groundbreaking environment inevitably leading to experimentation. The...

Managing by Trial and Error

These are turbulent and exciting times. Greenfield, startups and groundbreaking environment inevitably leading to experimentation. The pace of change; speed of technology; variance in generational thinking and culture; all compel innovations. Slow and sure is out of the door, experimentation, trial and error has landed.

The displayed model is a normal trial and error loop. Repeated iterations, then implement the feedback on results, to find an efficient core. We have all used it in our work. More so, as you go up the corporate ladder. Contrary to what younger management thinks, older senior fogeys are experimenting too, because what they learned years ago is history and the ‘new’ has arrived. 

In today’s world of uncertainty and change, this is a valid method of operating. Hence, I am not writing a justification of the method, as there is no alternative. The blog is more about conditions and attributes required, to be at home in the current environment. Some thoughts are listed below.

• Knowledge of what is happening, e.g. what research is saying.
• Strong analytics, especially in the big data world.
• Listening to and observing others.
• And conversing with others.
• Not having a dogmatic outlook. Do not take things for granted.
• Chew, analyse and think. Impulse can be dangerous nowadays.
• But, also requires fast turnaround and quick decision making.
• Since there is constant change, one can be wrong! Learn to live with that and it means not having an “ego”.
• It does mean having a strong value system. Without this value system, one drifts towards wrong, as the voices are many. 

I would now take this further and add ‘countries and public office’ into the same approach. In dealing with public office, add further tenets to the ones mentioned above.

• Listening to numbers all the time. Not a one off election result.  It means a constant watch on polling insights
• It requires repeated iterations on actions, events and results looping back into ever-changing decisions.
• This leads to gradually capturing the centre ground. Repeated iterations will naturally tend towards the centre. (No wonder political parties today cannot be differentiated)
• The process and environment will look machine like.

Politics and rulers may well go this route in the future. It is something which Angela Merkel has applied over a decade and half in Germany. Looking at what our own Prime Minister is doing, I think it is what his government is also tilting towards. 

There is nothing wrong with this trial and error approach. It can be applied in government, as it can be applied in systems and organisations. We just need to be calm, controlled and follow the attributes to gradually achieve systemic efficiency.

Sarfaraz A Rehman: Time and Money relationship

Sarfaraz A Rehman: Time and Money relationship:                                                                         *worldatlas.com On reviewing insights into a time and money...

Time and Money relationship

                                                                        *worldatlas.com

On reviewing insights into a time and money relationship curve, based on information from the internet, I came to some startling conclusions. Let me caution, these are my own thoughts and may not be correct.

In a lifetime of approximately 80 years (remember today’s world average is already over 70), we essentially live it in three periods:

Pre-adulthood (25 years)

Regular work period (35 years)

Retirement (20 years)

Breaking down the above 80 years into broad activities:

Sleep (30%)

Work  (27%)

Drudgery, exercise, playing, eating, health (21%)

Own time (12%)

Spirituality/religiosity/conscience work (5%)

Miscellaneous (5%) 

'Disposable available money' during the three periods, as a percentage of a whole lifetime, is skewed dramatically towards the retirement period. This happens because you earn little in the pre-adulthood period; have many commitments in the work years; and build up a savings bank just pre-retirement (which is normally a period of less commitments/higher earnings). This is then available as disposable money during the retirement years.

Divide 'disposable available money', in terms of the spending on above named activities. The 'drudgery, exercise, playing, eating, health' activity takes more than 50% of disposable available money; ‘Miscellaneous’ over 40% (in retireiment our expenditure narrows, as our activities narrow).  So the following fascinating conclusions occur.

A) we do not have money most of our lives, while striving to obtain it - i.e. the first 60 years.

B) when we do have money, we are old, unable to use it, and a large portion is spent on health maintenance or recovery. Not on using the available money for enjoyment.

C) 40% of our money is spent on an amorphous/ambiguous ‘Miscellaneous’. This ‘Miscellaneous’ in time spent proportion, is only 5% of our lifetime and that too mostly in our later years. The conclusion derived from this statement is, that ‘Miscellaneous’ spent is either wasted or left as a legacy for our progeny. 

D) so the real question is, why do we struggle, take stress and spoil our health to get money, when it does not benefit us at all?

I am, to say the least, flummoxed. 

Sarfaraz A Rehman: What is strength?

Sarfaraz A Rehman: What is strength?:                                                        * From Wikipedia   Maria Andreyevna Rogova waddles off to the roadside cafe in...

What is strength?

                                                       *From Wikipedia 

Maria Andreyevna Rogova waddles off to the roadside cafe in emigre Paris accompanied by the forceful stranger, under huge duress, high emotion and great fear. She has just been informed her long lost daughter is in great distress and the stranger brings news of this, forcing her to abandon her fear and sit down with him. The thought which occurs to Maria is “from the strong I can protect myself. God preserve me from the weak.”  

  

Thirty plus years ago, when I first read these words in Smiley’s People, I passed them by without much thought. In later years as experience gathered, the words of John Le Carre have turned profound and have carried deeper and deeper meaning and I keep returning to these words, as they have been proved time and again. 

The characteristic of strength, is a lack of genuine fear. Not the gung-ho ‘I am a brave person and take on everyone’ variety. That is bravado; anyone can talk it up. The identification of this real lack of fear is a quiet understanding of what one is and within this capability, to live by principles, treat all as equals, be equitable and fair, have patience and show grace in all circumstances. Above all to be honest and help others, without prejudice. Such people are strong, they exude comfort and trust. They typically will go about their life with humility and contentment.  

The weak abound. Deep within they know the cracks. Cracks they hide, because they do not have the strength to face and repair these flaws. So they delude themselves. Instead a facade of power is created. They will dominate much, force much, carry this wrecking show through life damaging much. As time goes on they will become more entrenched, as the facade is established and they have to maintain it. Deeper and deeper this spiral will go and they will go stamping on their domain, creating fear rather than respect. That is the fear which Le Carre is talking about.

Of the strong there are few left, in this helter skelter, fast, humbug consumer world of ours, but wherever they are they leave much bigger footsteps, than seems possible. The weak are everywhere. Social media reveals them in droves. Trolls, bullies pushing their thoughts, shouting down others. You see them in the racists, the superior intellectual, the tough corporate hitman, the liberal beating their drum, the dogmatic reformer who rules by fear not reason.

Whenever you find someone who is genuinely strong, they will be doing something of worth, despite the struggle they are going through. Typically, this something is for others. The weak, they will have only one beneficiary, that is themselves. 

Le Carre said much in just one small sentence.

Sarfaraz A Rehman: Prejudice leaps forward

Sarfaraz A Rehman: Prejudice leaps forward: Humans are strangely self righteous and tribal about what is not in alignment with their thoughts and familiarity zone. This same though...

Prejudice leaps forward

Humans are strangely self righteous and tribal about what is not in alignment with their thoughts and familiarity zone. This same thought process is the basis of prejudice and racialism, and in more extreme cases death and destruction.

You see it starkly in human behaviour. Take a nice, suburban middle-aged woman as an example. She is quite honest and caring about people and is always ready to help others. Place her in a public area next to a scruffy, dirty youth. Watch how she reacts. I have seen this a few times at airports and  metros. The otherwise quite nice lady, will be abhorred by the disagreeable presence next to her, and wants to get away, so long as it is not construed as being rude. In the time of Trumpism, nothing is considered rude (that filter has been taken away), so more than likely the lady will change seats.

Why? Because she is now judging and rejecting the presence which is contrary to her image of comfort zone. But has the young scruffy person done someone any harm, has he committed a crime? No! That is what prejudice is. Expand it further and it becomes racialism and sectarianism. Take it a bit further, it leads to death and destruction. Notice the coloured guys who are regularly shot by police in USA, simply on racial profiling. Normally, these police personnel would sit and eat with them, but under stress  they can behave like narrow hateful beings when confronted with the out of the ordinary.

Do not be surprised that suddenly prejudice is appearing in droves in apparently very enlightened societies. The seed had always been present. But it had not been watered for several decades. Today its been watered and prepared to come out and so it is visible in tens of millions. It is going to appear more, because the genie is out of the bottle now. It takes a small time for society to deteriorate, but it can take decades to put them back on the right path again.

Similar events happened some 100 years ago and it took much death and destruction to control it. I hope this time humans find a saner and more peaceful way to put humanity back where it should be. Though my reality says it will be a long rocky road. Sadly! 

Sarfaraz A Rehman: A Concept of Living

Sarfaraz A Rehman: A Concept of Living:                                                 Br.freepik.com



 Through long contemplation and discussions, one reaches the conclusi...

A Concept of Living

                                                Br.freepik.com

Through long contemplation and discussions, one reaches the conclusion that we humans have a perception problem in life. We fool ourselves into an illusion of infallibility. Part of this is subliminally input into our brain, through  an aggressive consumer environment.

• We think we will live forever 
• Will always be healthy  
• Always have money and a job to rely on 
• Forever have friends and family
• Our bodies will always stay young
• Our looks are everlasting 
• Our brain will always be sharp and incisive
• We will always keep progressing  

Sadly “none of this is true and nothing will last”. When it is gone, it will seem like the end has come too quickly. 

      

So, we must coax ourselves to believe 

• We will die soon enough
• Our job, our money and fame will not last 
• Our friends will depart
• We will lose our family one way or the other
• We are terminal beings, we decline and disappear 

With such a belief, we “must” live life as if every moment counts. Because it does. Once gone, it will never comeback. Our end maybe tomorrow, and there is so much to do. It is a race against time to fit all the living in.   

The outline of that living is....

• A strong belief in Allah, is the best defence
• Forgive as a compulsion 
• Do not carry a grudge
• Love properly with a tender heart
• Be generous, give, give and give
• Do not fall into envy
• Speak softly (the listener is human too)
• Laugh a lot
• Read a lot

Let us think life is an adventure and leave bits of ourselves wherever we are. That way we will become eternal. 

Sadly it has taken me a lifetime to realise this simple illusion and the reality. (😏😊)

Proud of themselves

Recently, in a CNN interview, someone stated, “I am incredibly proud of myself”.

Proud of themselves! We hear it claimed so often, in recent times. In a world of seven and half billion people, the Earth being one of billions in this universe, this person is proud of himself?

His judgement is at the ratio of 1 divided by 7.5 billion people. He also happens to be 100 per cent biased, with a complete lack of objectivity. Moreover, it is based on one known event. The other wrongs committed in his life, are set aside. As is the help received along the way and the luck he has profited from. All that ends up being personalised into this one statement. Phew!

But in today’s world, it is claimed with impunity. When the door to narcissism opens, it becomes a contagion. Others feel its fine to say it. They too will set aside simple decency and humbleness and claim it. Soon, the young person sitting in front of you for a job interview, will come prepared to say why he is ‘proud of himself’.  It’s tiresome.

Narcissism is taking hold of everyday discussions. On media and social media, but also in the rooms of organisations. Unfortunately, it has a very bad side effect. Few are now ready to listen, because they are ‘proud of themselves’. It cascades into social behaviour and society is polarised. Eventually, ‘everyone is always right’.

So what happens to the decent, humble person who does not want to beat their drum. They (a vast majority, just a couple of decades ago) go into hiding. When they go into hiding, this world becomes beastly. 

Some millions of years ago, one Iblis refused a command, because he was proud of himself. It led to humans taking this arduous journey in the first place. It is humanity’s ‘one core test’, which we are failing. In the past centuries, it was just one individual in hundreds who was prone to it. Today, it resides in most of us, moves in and out of our homes, offices and malls and is on our roads. Sit back and think about the catastrophic effect of this contagion on mankind. It is coming to a major reckoning and we are mindlessly rushing towards it.

* the image is from Dreamstime.com

Sarfaraz A Rehman: Waqt ne kiya, kya haseen sitam

Sarfaraz A Rehman: Waqt ne kiya, kya haseen sitam: He walked past on the other side of the road. Had I not been looking directly at him, it would be impossible to recognise him. The heig...

Waqt ne kiya, kya haseen sitam

He walked past on the other side of the road. Had I not been looking directly at him, it would be impossible to recognise him. The height was the same, but his weight had gone up slightly. No wonder, it was more than fifteen years since I had seen him. The hairline was receding somewhat. But then he was into his mid forties.  

  

Like a magnet, I turned and followed, keeping a safe distance and also on the other side of the road. The mid-day office crowd gave me further safety, and his slow walk ensured that I could follow easily. Eventually, he walked into a  sandwich bar. It was a large place and I found my own place in a safe corner, so that I could observe him. Some of the posture was familiar, but the slight slouch, belied my image of a bubbly strapping young man, just fifteen years ago. 

   

He used to be one of my good friends, prep school onwards and we belonged to a group of seven friends, who were now unfortunately spread all over the world. Only two of us remained in our home town. Not to mention his presence. Visiting probably! I could remember the last time we met, fifteen years ago. Outside his house, a sad hug and tears in the eyes. A knowledge that this parting may be for a long time. And so it had turned out. I so wanted to go over and sit with him, but the unknown circumstances caused apprehension. 

For almost two and half decades, we had trundled in and out of each other’s house and spent nights and played cards, cricket and hockey. We tried studying together, but neither had the concentration to study long hours, in company. Till that fateful summer, when my younger cousin came to live with us. She was like his soul twin. Bubbly, beautiful and just right. I saw it happen, with some foreboding. I knew her parents and also that she was spoken for. If he bent one way, she bent the other to balance him. It was love and really true love. There was not much one could do, to help or stop it. Fate was taking its path.    

       

Alas, they were discovered and a massive fight ensued between the families which ground on through the summer. Becoming deeper and more complex. They kept meeting surreptitiously and then again got caught. That meant he could not visit anymore and nor could I go to his house. It broke them, I think. True love can do that. Few months later he was gone, taking an assignment abroad, not to return for so long. No contacts, numbers, meeting other friends. He had deliberately cut himself off from his past. 

  

What of her. Such a prodigious woman, yet broken. She went home and then inevitably, the promised proposal never happened. I think she would have run away. She did in a way. Studied further and became a researcher and led a secluded and quiet single life. There were no new loves for the likes of these soul companions. There could not be. The hair had gone partially grey and there was a slight frown behind the smile. The researcher was doing important groundbreaking work and her life was taken up in it. This was now a serious professional driven by her work, with no distractions. She had replaced him.

Long I pondered and as he got up, I made my decision. Followed him down the road and surprisingly he went into an office, which I knew. The receptionist confirmed that he was working there. I turned away for a later time, as much work waited at the office.  

  

That evening I camped outside his office, waiting for him to emerge. The shock and surprise were stamped on his face, but the smile was the same genuine one.   

  

“Abba died and I had to come back, as Amma was alone”. What was he doing. He was doing creative work and was the marketing manager. Married? Of course not. Would he like a cup of tea? No. Amma was waiting. But I could go with him. It’s not the same old house, is much smaller and in a different area. And so we spent our first evening together for eons. Much later, when comfort had returned, I asked, do you know that She is here in town and unmarried. His eyes glittered, but all he asked was is She ok? Sort of. I told him. His eyes were masked and there was no reaction. Would you like to meet? Mushkil! We are mid forties and have changed. 

That day in bed I just felt totally depressed. In the end I decided surely it is worth one try. Next day, I called her and she was soft and courteous. Yes we can meet. The surprise and masking of the eye was a mirror, when I told her. The reply was almost the same. Too late. Time has taken its toll. We have travelled different roads.   

All week my mind kept returning to them. What a waste. Surely, life can smile on these two one more time. Finally, I thought I needed to plot a meeting. How to do it though? There was no way out, but to take a personal risk. I got on the phone and one Saturday afternoon, I met him in a familiar coffee house. We chatted a bit. I was watching him when She walked in. White knuckles holding the spoon. Her look, besides the inevitable surprise, fiery accusatory eyes directed at me. Rueful smile aside, I looked at her and said “I honestly think you owe each other at least a conversation. Fifteen years of ones life is no mean time. At least drink a coffee together.” Her eyes softened and she came and sat down. After little bits of chit chat, I departed. 

That evening and night was restless. I spent much time on the roof, under the lamp, reading and hoping. Though there was little hope in my mind. Next morning late Sunday, She called to say she is coming over. I almost hoped. A slow conversation turned eventually to him. “Yes she did love him. But you know passion slows. Her career was more important now. It was all she had. Her parents are old now and she did not want to cause any further problems. Also her company was transferring her for a year to Europe on a project. That was important to her. True, we had agreed to stay in touch and chat and talk. It’s nice to talk to him.” Sigh!

I can just see that there is love, but then something unseen has come in-between. They will love from a distance, in a box. “Waqt ne kiya kya haseen sitam”. That is all I could think, Waheeda Rahman, Guru Dutt and Kaghaz ke Phool. Nevertheless, a year is a long time; she will return and I am still around to work on this. I cannot believe that there is no hope.