Sarfaraz A Rehman: Prejudice leaps forward

Sarfaraz A Rehman: Prejudice leaps forward: Humans are strangely self righteous and tribal about what is not in alignment with their thoughts and familiarity zone. This same though...

Prejudice leaps forward

Humans are strangely self righteous and tribal about what is not in alignment with their thoughts and familiarity zone. This same thought process is the basis of prejudice and racialism, and in more extreme cases death and destruction.

You see it starkly in human behaviour. Take a nice, suburban middle-aged woman as an example. She is quite honest and caring about people and is always ready to help others. Place her in a public area next to a scruffy, dirty youth. Watch how she reacts. I have seen this a few times at airports and  metros. The otherwise quite nice lady, will be abhorred by the disagreeable presence next to her, and wants to get away, so long as it is not construed as being rude. In the time of Trumpism, nothing is considered rude (that filter has been taken away), so more than likely the lady will change seats.

Why? Because she is now judging and rejecting the presence which is contrary to her image of comfort zone. But has the young scruffy person done someone any harm, has he committed a crime? No! That is what prejudice is. Expand it further and it becomes racialism and sectarianism. Take it a bit further, it leads to death and destruction. Notice the coloured guys who are regularly shot by police in USA, simply on racial profiling. Normally, these police personnel would sit and eat with them, but under stress  they can behave like narrow hateful beings when confronted with the out of the ordinary.

Do not be surprised that suddenly prejudice is appearing in droves in apparently very enlightened societies. The seed had always been present. But it had not been watered for several decades. Today its been watered and prepared to come out and so it is visible in tens of millions. It is going to appear more, because the genie is out of the bottle now. It takes a small time for society to deteriorate, but it can take decades to put them back on the right path again.

Similar events happened some 100 years ago and it took much death and destruction to control it. I hope this time humans find a saner and more peaceful way to put humanity back where it should be. Though my reality says it will be a long rocky road. Sadly! 

Sarfaraz A Rehman: A Concept of Living

Sarfaraz A Rehman: A Concept of Living:                                                 Br.freepik.com



 Through long contemplation and discussions, one reaches the conclusi...

A Concept of Living

                                                Br.freepik.com

Through long contemplation and discussions, one reaches the conclusion that we humans have a perception problem in life. We fool ourselves into an illusion of infallibility. Part of this is subliminally input into our brain, through  an aggressive consumer environment.

• We think we will live forever 
• Will always be healthy  
• Always have money and a job to rely on 
• Forever have friends and family
• Our bodies will always stay young
• Our looks are everlasting 
• Our brain will always be sharp and incisive
• We will always keep progressing  

Sadly “none of this is true and nothing will last”. When it is gone, it will seem like the end has come too quickly. 

      

So, we must coax ourselves to believe 

• We will die soon enough
• Our job, our money and fame will not last 
• Our friends will depart
• We will lose our family one way or the other
• We are terminal beings, we decline and disappear 

With such a belief, we “must” live life as if every moment counts. Because it does. Once gone, it will never comeback. Our end maybe tomorrow, and there is so much to do. It is a race against time to fit all the living in.   

The outline of that living is....

• A strong belief in Allah, is the best defence
• Forgive as a compulsion 
• Do not carry a grudge
• Love properly with a tender heart
• Be generous, give, give and give
• Do not fall into envy
• Speak softly (the listener is human too)
• Laugh a lot
• Read a lot

Let us think life is an adventure and leave bits of ourselves wherever we are. That way we will become eternal. 

Sadly it has taken me a lifetime to realise this simple illusion and the reality. (😏😊)

Proud of themselves

Recently, in a CNN interview, someone stated, “I am incredibly proud of myself”.

Proud of themselves! We hear it claimed so often, in recent times. In a world of seven and half billion people, the Earth being one of billions in this universe, this person is proud of himself?

His judgement is at the ratio of 1 divided by 7.5 billion people. He also happens to be 100 per cent biased, with a complete lack of objectivity. Moreover, it is based on one known event. The other wrongs committed in his life, are set aside. As is the help received along the way and the luck he has profited from. All that ends up being personalised into this one statement. Phew!

But in today’s world, it is claimed with impunity. When the door to narcissism opens, it becomes a contagion. Others feel its fine to say it. They too will set aside simple decency and humbleness and claim it. Soon, the young person sitting in front of you for a job interview, will come prepared to say why he is ‘proud of himself’.  It’s tiresome.

Narcissism is taking hold of everyday discussions. On media and social media, but also in the rooms of organisations. Unfortunately, it has a very bad side effect. Few are now ready to listen, because they are ‘proud of themselves’. It cascades into social behaviour and society is polarised. Eventually, ‘everyone is always right’.

So what happens to the decent, humble person who does not want to beat their drum. They (a vast majority, just a couple of decades ago) go into hiding. When they go into hiding, this world becomes beastly. 

Some millions of years ago, one Iblis refused a command, because he was proud of himself. It led to humans taking this arduous journey in the first place. It is humanity’s ‘one core test’, which we are failing. In the past centuries, it was just one individual in hundreds who was prone to it. Today, it resides in most of us, moves in and out of our homes, offices and malls and is on our roads. Sit back and think about the catastrophic effect of this contagion on mankind. It is coming to a major reckoning and we are mindlessly rushing towards it.

* the image is from Dreamstime.com

Sarfaraz A Rehman: Waqt ne kiya, kya haseen sitam

Sarfaraz A Rehman: Waqt ne kiya, kya haseen sitam: He walked past on the other side of the road. Had I not been looking directly at him, it would be impossible to recognise him. The heig...

Waqt ne kiya, kya haseen sitam

He walked past on the other side of the road. Had I not been looking directly at him, it would be impossible to recognise him. The height was the same, but his weight had gone up slightly. No wonder, it was more than fifteen years since I had seen him. The hairline was receding somewhat. But then he was into his mid forties.  

  

Like a magnet, I turned and followed, keeping a safe distance and also on the other side of the road. The mid-day office crowd gave me further safety, and his slow walk ensured that I could follow easily. Eventually, he walked into a  sandwich bar. It was a large place and I found my own place in a safe corner, so that I could observe him. Some of the posture was familiar, but the slight slouch, belied my image of a bubbly strapping young man, just fifteen years ago. 

   

He used to be one of my good friends, prep school onwards and we belonged to a group of seven friends, who were now unfortunately spread all over the world. Only two of us remained in our home town. Not to mention his presence. Visiting probably! I could remember the last time we met, fifteen years ago. Outside his house, a sad hug and tears in the eyes. A knowledge that this parting may be for a long time. And so it had turned out. I so wanted to go over and sit with him, but the unknown circumstances caused apprehension. 

For almost two and half decades, we had trundled in and out of each other’s house and spent nights and played cards, cricket and hockey. We tried studying together, but neither had the concentration to study long hours, in company. Till that fateful summer, when my younger cousin came to live with us. She was like his soul twin. Bubbly, beautiful and just right. I saw it happen, with some foreboding. I knew her parents and also that she was spoken for. If he bent one way, she bent the other to balance him. It was love and really true love. There was not much one could do, to help or stop it. Fate was taking its path.    

       

Alas, they were discovered and a massive fight ensued between the families which ground on through the summer. Becoming deeper and more complex. They kept meeting surreptitiously and then again got caught. That meant he could not visit anymore and nor could I go to his house. It broke them, I think. True love can do that. Few months later he was gone, taking an assignment abroad, not to return for so long. No contacts, numbers, meeting other friends. He had deliberately cut himself off from his past. 

  

What of her. Such a prodigious woman, yet broken. She went home and then inevitably, the promised proposal never happened. I think she would have run away. She did in a way. Studied further and became a researcher and led a secluded and quiet single life. There were no new loves for the likes of these soul companions. There could not be. The hair had gone partially grey and there was a slight frown behind the smile. The researcher was doing important groundbreaking work and her life was taken up in it. This was now a serious professional driven by her work, with no distractions. She had replaced him.

Long I pondered and as he got up, I made my decision. Followed him down the road and surprisingly he went into an office, which I knew. The receptionist confirmed that he was working there. I turned away for a later time, as much work waited at the office.  

  

That evening I camped outside his office, waiting for him to emerge. The shock and surprise were stamped on his face, but the smile was the same genuine one.   

  

“Abba died and I had to come back, as Amma was alone”. What was he doing. He was doing creative work and was the marketing manager. Married? Of course not. Would he like a cup of tea? No. Amma was waiting. But I could go with him. It’s not the same old house, is much smaller and in a different area. And so we spent our first evening together for eons. Much later, when comfort had returned, I asked, do you know that She is here in town and unmarried. His eyes glittered, but all he asked was is She ok? Sort of. I told him. His eyes were masked and there was no reaction. Would you like to meet? Mushkil! We are mid forties and have changed. 

That day in bed I just felt totally depressed. In the end I decided surely it is worth one try. Next day, I called her and she was soft and courteous. Yes we can meet. The surprise and masking of the eye was a mirror, when I told her. The reply was almost the same. Too late. Time has taken its toll. We have travelled different roads.   

All week my mind kept returning to them. What a waste. Surely, life can smile on these two one more time. Finally, I thought I needed to plot a meeting. How to do it though? There was no way out, but to take a personal risk. I got on the phone and one Saturday afternoon, I met him in a familiar coffee house. We chatted a bit. I was watching him when She walked in. White knuckles holding the spoon. Her look, besides the inevitable surprise, fiery accusatory eyes directed at me. Rueful smile aside, I looked at her and said “I honestly think you owe each other at least a conversation. Fifteen years of ones life is no mean time. At least drink a coffee together.” Her eyes softened and she came and sat down. After little bits of chit chat, I departed. 

That evening and night was restless. I spent much time on the roof, under the lamp, reading and hoping. Though there was little hope in my mind. Next morning late Sunday, She called to say she is coming over. I almost hoped. A slow conversation turned eventually to him. “Yes she did love him. But you know passion slows. Her career was more important now. It was all she had. Her parents are old now and she did not want to cause any further problems. Also her company was transferring her for a year to Europe on a project. That was important to her. True, we had agreed to stay in touch and chat and talk. It’s nice to talk to him.” Sigh!

I can just see that there is love, but then something unseen has come in-between. They will love from a distance, in a box. “Waqt ne kiya kya haseen sitam”. That is all I could think, Waheeda Rahman, Guru Dutt and Kaghaz ke Phool. Nevertheless, a year is a long time; she will return and I am still around to work on this. I cannot believe that there is no hope.