It all started when Bismarck was
sent some quality English ice cream by Queen Victoria. Apparently she used to
love the man, but because of Prince Albert they never prospered. Bad storage
facilities meant the ice cream was not quite the thing, when it arrived. But
Bismarck suffered from a sweet tooth and was greedy to boot, so he ate it
regardless. Things really got bad after that. I will not even relate how bad.
The Kaiser Wilhelm seeing the state of his Chancellor demanded an apology from
Queen Vic. This was not forthcoming and war was declared. The French being the
route of the ice cream to Germany were also dragged into the net. In the
meantime, the Russian Nicholas secretly admired a spritely ballerina in London,
so he declared on behalf of the English. Lastly, the Pasha of Turkey disliked
ice cream and came on the side of Germany, even banning the item in Ottoman
territory.
WW1 went against English
expectations and they lost. They would have been fine, but the American
President Wilson fell for the Kaisers niece (to ensure supply lines of sugar
and gum from Africa) and joined the war on the German side. Wilson obviously had expansive designs. The
Germans and allies ruled for the next 20 years and the Americans took over
India, hence the plethora of American culture today.
In these 20 years things were not good for the British. They had lost their
empire and were hurting. The Communist Party now ruled Britain, their values
centred on the elimination of ice cream, as the root cause of problems. The
Russians naturally felt that ballet was the source of problems, decided to ban
it. Due to this Nicholas was ostracized and removed and the Russians kept their
pro art policy. While the Pasha went into decline when despite his orders, ice
cream flourished in his country.
Meantime Germany struck a deal with Japan to create a colony in the Middle East
for them, to increase supply of gum and sugar. However along the line, they
transferred their Jews to this colony instead, because they were consuming too
much ice cream in Germany, depriving others from the item. This mass migration made
Japan mad and they decided to attack the interests of the German ally America.
The Americans were annoyed at the role played by the Germans in this and so the
20 year alliance came to end and the WW2 began.
The Americans now distrusted ice cream and decided to sponsor chewing gum and
candy. They ordered that the manufacturing facilities should be given to all
future allies. The Russians, British and French sensing a financial
opportunity, joined the Americans. Specifically Churchill, a strong communist,
was ready to expand facilities of gum in Britain to help the American effort.
Eventually, the war was won, when the Americans dropped huge combustible gum
over Nagasaki and Hiroshima. The Japs could not take the sweet, sticky
exploding stuff and surrendered. Germans ruled by the artist Hitler, were
distraught at this betrayal and surrendered. Hitler committed suicide, as he
saw a future bereft of art.
In the Middle-East, the Jews sensing that the American sweet tooth will prevail
declared that candy was the next best thing and supported America. The
Palestinians being less worldly declared for dates and olives, for which there
was no American support. Meanwhile the Russians feeling that art had been
betrayed with the defeat of Germany went into cold war with America. In India,
two parties emerged. One declared for American candy, while the rebels had a
penchant for meat and took independence as Pakistan. Lastly the Americans set up support within
the Arab world, which would guard their supply lines, provide useful raw
material for the candy and also be a good market for their gum and candy.
Over the decades this game of consumerism is being played out. The American
candy has generally prevailed, with West Europe, Israel and Japan exploiting
the opportunity. Latest entrants China and India watched with interest for decades,
as the WW2 allies weakened, and then used the same consumer demand for their
benefit. The Arabs have remained as support for the western effort and provided
them with supplies. While Russia, which supported the artistic side, has not
progressed as much, Pakistan which loved meat has had a really rough time and
the poor Palestinians with dates and olives are de-franchised.
In my alternative reality, ice
cream is basic raw materials, sugar and candy are consumer goods, meat is
ideology, art is a totalitarian system and olives and dates are basic rights.
